What's Missing?

It's been a long day and I just want to put on my jammies and curl up with my Tivo.  So just a couple of things.  Don't forget about our first linky party coming your way this Friday.  Why do I say we?  I would never go this alone.  This is pretty much a no rules party.  We're not particular.  Just post something fun for the summer.  Movies, projects, traditions, recipes.  You name it.  We're happy to have you join us.

Now, even though I went to the flea market and found some fabulous things, I will share them later with you because I didn't even get any pics yet.

So here is the real question and the subject of my post today.  My father passed away on Friday.  He was only 83 but he lived longer than anyone would have expected him to live due to a serious problem with alcohol.  You see, my father did not raise me, my mother did, and although my mother and I did not see eye to eye all the time throughout our lives, I never lost respect for how hard it was for her to provide for me in an era when women were not single parents, were not executives for corporations and were not afraid to go it alone.  She managed to do all of these things.  I know she had to take my father to court many times to collect child support.  In my later adult years, he was always dutiful about sending me cards and calling on holidays and always told me how much he loved and missed me.  He only saw my children a handful of times although they are now in their 30s.  For the life of me, I can't dredge up one ounce of emotion for the loss of his life.  I'm not even sure why I'm wasting a blog post on him.  I am more concerned about my step sister's emotional state, because I know she is really in mourning.  He did raise her and she always stayed close in proximity to where he lived so they were very close.  He married her mother when she was four and she is now in her 50s.  On the flip side, I married a man that was completely opposite.  He's a real daddy to our two daughters and would do anything for them.  Since he is 11 years my senior, I'm pretty sure he felt like he was raising three daughters at times.  His fearless faithfullnes to us has never waivered in all the years I have known him.

Has anyone out there experienced anything like this?  Should I feel some sort of loss?  I am really trying, but it's just not there.  I have felt a deep sense of sadness when I have lost uncles and close family friends, but now there is just nothing but a blank.  I probably should not share anything so personal, but seriously this is a very strange feeling that I have.  I'll get back to my regular bloggy self tomorrow.  Perhaps I just need a good night' sleep.